yum

I love how skin can look like cupcake icing
Artist: Alex Kanevsky

new years begin daily

A new blog which I will, undoubtedly, neglect from time to time just like my other. A new camera lies half examined on the floor nearby; the pocket guide promises ease. A new year...

I have not felt any sense of direction... nor contentment... but blase seems to be right.

The people of this town seem to be more preoccupied about my lack of plans than I feel the need to be.

"Live in the moment... take advantage while you are young!"

Yes, I have...

"But what's next... any pending adventures?"

It is a secret.

Unconsidered deficiencies have had little play in my undertakings. Go. Do. See. Live. More than most, I have seen. More than many, I have lived. I have.

And?

Returning to my pseudo-hometown has revealed more malevolence and deception in human nature than I knew was possible. Actually... I knew. I saw. I refused to admit.

Nonetheless I have relished the experiences of this locale-stagnant year.

Lessons in reality and respect, or the lack there-of, have been overly abundant and painful. They have been necessary and now, in retrospect, are welcomed.

My opinion on the sorry state of humanity has never known silence. My tears wept for those without have been worn as propaganda in hope of casting shame into souls of the superiors. I have known the world. I have seen and desired to altar the present. Yet I did not realize. I do not still.

As the moment of acceptance and revelation has culminated, I have struggled. In the comforting yet awkward presence of friends and the deafening pressure of solitude I have battled myself. "Now I know," I told myself. "Ah hah!" But just as such I believed before.

I do not know. I do not want to.

I have seen that the awakening moments are not, alas, moments. This is what has become known as life. Living. Learning.

Reflecting upon my abbreviated and sporadic life I have realized that I have been in this spot before. Each realization seems to be the first. As long as they keep happening...

Good and bad. Pain and joy. Such is life and I am just beginning to feel.

A new year...